What Was Lost May Be Found
by Heatherlina
Summary: "She had been gone less than a day but in that moment it already felt like years." After returning from Carthage, Dean battles with the guilt deep inside his heart. The loss of Jo consumes him. While Dean is determined to suffer, he receives some unexpected messages of hope to guide him. Takes place after Season 5's Abandon All Hope.
1. Chapter 1

"**What Was Lost May Be Found****"**

Summary: "She had been gone less than a day but in that moment it already felt like years." After returning from Carthage, Dean battles with the guilt deep inside his heart. Victory hangs in the balance and the loss of Jo consumes him. While Dean is determined to suffer in silence, he receives some unexpected messages of hope to guide him. Takes place after Season 5's _Abandon All Hope. _ AU Multi chapter story for Dean & Jo.

AN: Title credits belong to Lifehouse's Jason Wade and Jude Anthony Cole for their song

"It Is What It Is". This is my first _Supernatural_ story and of course I had to write for D/J.

Many thanks to **Mali Bear's Buddy** and **Sophie6 **for supporting me and taking my ideas to a whole other level.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the _Supernatural _characters featured here.

**Chapter 1**

A storm was coming. Dark clouds rolled through the night sky and thunder rumbled in loud claps. Gusts of wind overpowered Dean's body with hurricane like forces. As he ran down the deserted street, he heard the sounds of invisible growling gaining on him. He dared not turn around and look back. His eyes searched for Sam, Bobby, anyone. The shotgun in his hand grew heavier with every step but he couldn't stop. He had to keep running.

The road was endless and his calls for help went unanswered. He was being chased down by hellhounds. Possibly the one creature that struck fear inside of Dean Winchester. He had felt their wrath before, his body mauled and cut open for them to devour. No, he would never let that happen again. He would run for his life, never surrendering to their hunger. The hunter had become the hunted.

Something about his surroundings seemed familiar and it chilled up his spine. His instinct told him he'd been here before. It wasn't something he could see. The buildings looked like they belonged in any other town he'd driven through before. The windows were dark holes, not a light of hope to be found. No abandoned cars left behind where he could take shelter and hide. It was just a feeling that he couldn't shake off.

Just when he believed he had gained some distance, Dean screamed in pain. A hellhound tore into his ankle and took him down. He rolled onto his back and felt its hot breath on his face. He tried to focus on the sounds of snarling but they seemed to be everywhere at once. He pumped the shotgun and aimed at thin air. When he pulled the trigger, nothing happened. Just the sound of a hollow click.

"This would be a really good time to wake up." Dean muttered as he smacked himself in the face.

Of course it proved fruitless and left nothing behind but a stinging cheek. He slowly started to crawl away, but the hounds pounced. No one was here to intervene this time. Their claws tore into his side, his blood sprayed up to his face. Dean cried out and threw his head back. The flesh burned like fire but he covered the wounds with shaking hands. He was defenseless and could do nothing but wait for whatever came next. Dean looked above into the darkness and prayed for the night to end.

When all he heard was silence, Dean let himself breathe and slowly opened his eyes. Who was there waiting for him gave the truest testimony that heaven may be in his future after all. Jo stood over him in a flowing white dress, sunshine illuminated her face. She had been gone less than a day but in that moment it already felt like years. The hellhounds had vanished and Jo smiled down on Dean.

"Jo? Where am I?" Dean asked, as he tried again to find something familiar. He felt around his body for injuries but found no trace of the attack. He laughed and started to push himself up off the street. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean saw the sign of a hardware store. His mind was overrun with questions.

"It can't be…" Dean started to say.

"I think you know." She answered for him, her hand held out for him to take into hers. Just as his fingertips graced her palm, it slipped out of his grasp. Jo's smile faded as her arms fell to her sides. They both watched in terror as jagged slashes sliced her dress into ribbons. The blood seeped through, staining the pristine fabric dark and red.

"Dean? Why didn't you save me?" Jo pleaded, tears and anguish formed in her eyes.

"Jo, I tried. What's going on around here?" Dean yelled out, his face knotted in turmoil.

Frozen in place, he could do nothing but watch as Jo's eyes rolled back and her lifeless body collapsed to the ground. He tried to move his legs and gather her into an embrace but his body betrayed him. His rising panic was silenced by a sudden explosion that lifted him into the air. The impact threw him down with a crash and Dean lost consciousness.

"Dean. Dean, wake up!"

Dean jumped up from the dream with a gasp as Sam shook his shoulders. His face and clothes were drenched in sweat. It took a moment to look around and remember where he was. He must have passed out on Bobby's couch after the drive back to South Dakota. Dean reached to the windows above him, peeked through its curtain, and revealed the afternoon sun. He cursed, wiped his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt, and swung his legs over to sit up.

"Nightmare?" Sam wondered.

"I'm fine, okay." He can see the shot glasses still overturned on the table. The same table she had leaned on and laughed with Ellen and Cas. The kitchen where he asked her to spend their last night on earth together. Dean remembered how her soft lips flirted and smiled back at him. It took every ounce of willpower not to take her in his arms and crush those lips with his own.

Even when Jo rejected his offer, he tried to play it cool and indifferent. On the inside, he secretly admired that she stood up for herself. Ever since River Pass, Dean realized how much Jo had changed since their unresolved goodbye in Duluth. Her confidence as a hunter had grown but Jo could always see right through him. He exhaled a deep breath as he got up in search of his duffel bag and weapons.

"Where are you going?" The younger brother asked and folded his arms.

"I can't be here right now. I gotta get outta here. Sam, get your stuff." Dean ordered as he quickly rolled his clothes into his bag.

"But don't you think we need to come up with a new plan, Dean." Sam argued with confusion.

"Then stay here with Bobby and plan but I have to go. Anywhere but here." Dean responded as he grabbed the Colt and his jacket from the table.

Dean walked to the fireplace, his bag slung over his shoulder, ready to go. Their commemorative picture was reduced to nothing but ash. He closed his eyes and saw them standing side by side. Her brave face and his hand firm around her shoulder. Holding on to her as tight as he could, protecting her even then. He couldn't save Jo, not even on his dream, and now he had to accept that she was gone forever. Dean turned away as fast as he could and rushed out the front door. He had an apocalypse to stop. Yet, there was something he needed to do before anything else.

"Typical." Sam muttered under his breath and searched the nearest drawer for a sheet of paper. Sam wouldn't stay behind and leave Dean alone. They were in this together. He didn't have time to find Bobby and his voice of reason. Sam quickly wrote a note for him and threw his clothes and laptop into his bag.

_Bobby-_

_Decided to hit the road early. Come up with a new plan, I guess. We'll be back. Thanks. For everything. _

_Sam_

Dean was already behind the wheel of the Impala when Sam closed the front door behind him, bag in hand. Dean banged on the horn and revved the engine.

"Let's go!" Dean yelled as he turned on some AC/DC and slipped on his shades. Sam slid into the usual passenger seat, took out his laptop, and threw his duffel into the back.

"So, I think I might have an idea…." Sam started to say as the laptop powered up. He knew the ambush at Jasper's farm was still fresh in Dean's mind. One look at him now was all the proof Sam needed. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel. This road trip was their only opportunity to talk it out and move on. No matter how many walls Dean put up and bottled everything in.

"Dean, we need to talk about last night…" Sam attempted to break the ice but Dean shot him a look to back off. He naturally took the back roads out of Sioux Falls, along the river. Dirt flew up in their wake as the Impala raced through the quickest way out of town. They sped further and further away from Bobby's and Sam faced a ticking time bomb.

"There's nothing to talk about. It's part of the job. There's just something I got to do first." Dean answered as he turned onto the highway entrance he was looking for.

"Interstate 29? South? Dean, where are we going?" Sam asked as he held onto the door handle while Dean swerved erratically in and out of traffic. Even though he already knew the answer, Sam needed to hear Dean say the words out loud.

With his eyes focused on the horizon, Dean answered, "We're going back to Carthage."


	2. Chapter 2

"**What Was Lost May Be Found"**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the _Supernatural _characters featured here.

Summary: "She had been gone less than a day but in that moment it already felt like years." After returning from Carthage, Dean battles with the guilt deep inside his heart. Victory hangs in the balance and the loss of Jo consumes him. While Dean is determined to suffer, he receives some unexpected messages of hope to guide him. Takes place after Season 5's _Abandon All Hope. _

**Chapter 2**

November's afternoon sky brought an impending darkness that closed in on the Impala. Sam's concerns grew more and more severe every time Bobby's calls to their phones went unanswered. Each time he reached inside his jacket pocket, Dean mouthed the word "no" and he continued weaving the car in and out of lanes. Almost as if he's running away from something as opposed to something. Time and the setting sun were not on his side. Not for what he needed to do.

Dean's hands clenched the steering wheel and he let his mind imagine holding that piece of Jo that he longed to have close to him. Something firm and physical he can touch, that wouldn't fade out of his grasp. He silently prayed that it would still be there. It had to be there, waiting for him to claim it. As any worthy hunter with an ounce of understanding would.

Sam wondered how long Dean would drag out this fruitless journey as he fixated on the passing road signs. As they passed another mile maker on Highway 29, Sam calculated that they will soon be arriving into Omaha, Nebraska. Sam considered this a sign for the perfect opportunity to get Dean to eat something and corner him about the kamikaze mission they seem to be on.

"So I was thinking, why don't we stop in Omaha and get something to eat?" Sam casually suggested

"No stops. We have to keep going." Dean mumbled back.

"C'mon, man, you're starving. I can hear your stomach rumbling from here."

Dean rolled his eyes and pressed his foot further down on the gas pedal.

"I should have come by myself." Dean whispered to no one.

"Yeah well, you told me to get my stuff. Besides, you tend to act recklessly when you're in pain. Somebody had to make sure you don't do something stupid."

"What pain? I have no idea what you're talking about." Dean scoffed at his idiotic theory.

"Whatever you say. But I could really use a bite."

"Fine. One stop so you can get your precious salad. To go!" Dean surrendered to shut him up.

Once they crossed into Omaha's city limits, Dean pulled into the first diner he can find. Sam led them to the hostess station and requested a booth. Dean grumbled under his breath while Sam looked over his shoulder and smiled at his small victory. After they walked to their booth and ordered, Sam started with the questions that have been burning in his brain ever since they left Bobby's.

"So are you going to tell me what you expect to find in Cathrage? If you're looking for another fight, Lucifer's not going to be waiting for us in that field. Dean, we need to come up with a plan."

"You wouldn't understand"

"Then make me understand."

Dean considered coming clean about the dream and his senseless reasons but gave up. Yes they've seen and heard unbelievable things as hunters. But this was "crazy train" kind of stuff. Dean stared him down but never uttered another syllable. He was suddenly consumed with hunger and his cheeseburger kept him for talking. Sam picked at his salad and tried to figure out another way to get through to Dean. He resigned to the fact that he might have to follow Dean back to that place. Let him fulfill this quest and move on to the task at hand. He was taking the last bite of lettuce when Dean wiped his mouth and signaled the waitress for the check.

Dean started up the Impala's engine and they peeled out of the parking lot. The sun was setting and any daylight that would have helped him was fading into the horizon. He drove the car back towards the highway and continued south. Sam reached into his jacket for the phone and was surprised when Dean doesn't stop him this time from calling Bobby. The phone rang once before the irate Mr. Singer answered.

"Do you wanna tell me where the hell you two are? I woke up and found your little love note."

"We have an errand to run but we'll be back soon." Sam started to explain.

"An errand where?" Bobby countered.

Sam shrugged at Dean, unsure how to answer. Dean kept on driving, providing no help in that department.

"We're sorry Bobby but we had to go back to Carthage". Sam let out a deep breath and flipped the phone closed.

"Real smooth, jackass." Dean smirked.

A few hours later, the Impala pulled into Carthage, Missouri and the main streets were still deserted and empty. The only sound came from the purring hum of the Impala's engine. The car slowed to a crawl and Dean stopped in front of his destination. As he shuts off the headlights and the motor, he took in what's left of the hardware store.

"I have the weirdest feeling of déjà vu." Sam deadpanned.

There was nothing left of the structure but rubble and ash. Their noses were engulfed with the lingering smoke as they rose from the car's seats. Dean stood motionless on the sidewalk and eyed the destruction up and down. In an instant he broke into a run, trampling over bricks and broken panes of glass. Sam as always rushed to be by his side.

Dean jumped over piles of debris and looked around for any clues he's standing in the right location. He growled in frustration and started digging through the burnt shelves and supplies. Dean had no idea if he's where he needed to be, but he hoped the object he's searching for is not lost to him forever.

"It's gotta be here, Sam. I'm not leaving here until I find it."

"Dean, what are we doing here? There's nothing here worth looking for, in the dark no less."

"She always kept it close. She carried it everywhere we went. Inside her jacket maybe. I guess right about here." Dean pointed to the spot he's clearing with his bare hands.

"Her knife." Sam realized the one part of Jo that Dean would risk coming back for. Her father's treasured hunting knife. A weapon passed down from hunter to hunter. It was all making sense as Sam put some more puzzle pieces together. If anyone would desperately fight for the honor of family heirlooms, it would be Dean.

"Are you just going to stand there and stare at me, or are you going to help?" Dean yelled as he threw a charred shelf in Sam's direction.

His adrenaline was quickly wearing off and he was coming up empty. This was not how he planned it going in his head. He was supposed to uncover a few bricks and the knife would be lying there, like a hunter's own buried treasure. And now he was feeling useless and defeated all over again. The darkness and nauseating smell surely weren't working to his advantage either.

"Look, man, I'm not finding anything. Let's get a room for tonight and try and get some sleep. If we came back in the morning we can at least see where we're going." Sam recommended, carefully walking over to Dean's hunched figure.

Dean refused to stop but after a few moments he stilled his hands and raised his head. Knowing Sam was right, he took his brother's outstretched hand and pulled himself up. His jeans were soaked at the knees and his hands were covered in ash. They started walking towards the Impala but Dean turned to take one more look at what was left of the building. His face was a mixture of confusion and rage. He walked away, determined as ever to succeed, and joined Sam already waiting inside the car.


	3. Chapter 3

"**What Was Lost May Be Found"**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the _Supernatural _characters featured here.

Summary: After returning from Carthage, Dean battles with the guilt deep inside his heart. Victory hangs in the balance and the loss of Jo consumes him. While Dean is determined to suffer, he receives some unexpected messages of hope to guide him. Takes place after Season 5's _Abandon All Hope. _

AN: Sorry for the long gap between updates. I write on a whim and decided to shorten this story, maybe only one more chapter after this. I hope you all enjoy it and thank you for hanging in there.

**Chapter 3**

Dean pulled into the motel's parking lot and Sam walked to the office to check them in. Dean grabbed their duffel bags and waited for Sam to return with their room key. A frigid wind blew with them into room's darkness. As soon as the light switch was flicked on, Dean threw the car keys onto the table and started stripping off his grime covered clothes. His whole body ached from digging through rubble and bricks. But it was his heart that weighted him down the most.

He left a trail of cotton and denim and headed into the bathroom to shower. Sam unpacked some clean t-shirts and jeans while he waited for the bathroom to be free. It's the first moment he's had to himself since this morning when it all went downhill. The weight of losing Ellen and Jo was on both their shoulders but Dean insisted on carrying it all. Dean wanted to build her a stretcher and get her and Ellen safely out of town.

But Sam had silently agreed to Jo's plan. The truth was, he didn't think of an alternative. Sam was still lost in that thought when he heard the faucets turn off and Dean emerged from a pillow of steam. All cleaned up but still focused and angry at the world. Sam decided that he had enough runaround and it was time to get on the same page. The best way he knew how, start slow and nonjudgmental.

"Shower's free." Dean commented as he walked by to his duffel on the extra bed.

"It can wait. We should talk, Dean. I know we're here to find Jo's knife. I think I know why. I'm just not sure why today." Sam began another round of questions.

As he dug through the bag for clean laundry, Dean refused to look at Sam. He knew he couldn't keep this locked inside anymore. The guilt was killing him, the dreams, and the torture of not knowing what to do next. He clenched the fabric in his fists, looked up at Sam, and sighed.

"Maybe if I hold something close to her, she'll come back. Maybe she'll stay…." Dean confessed.

"Maybe she'll stay? I don't understand. Dean, she's…"

"Don't you say that word, Sammy. I know that. I do. But I saw her. Here, right out there on the street. God, she was so beautiful. And before I knew it, she was ripped apart again and cut into ribbons. Then she was gone." Dean yelled, fighting the rage that bubbled inside him.

"Your dream." Sam put another puzzle piece in place.

"It felt so real, the sun was so warm. She looked beautiful. And the best part, I still couldn't save her."

"None of this is your fault." Sam tried telling him, not surprised hearing the gut wrenching guilt.

"Isn't it? The hard choices are always on me. The whole time we were trapped in that hardware store she looked me, right in the eye, and told me what she was thinking of doing. With barely a voice, she was trying to make me understand why it had to be that way. Not you, not Ellen. Me. I'm the one who put the damn detonator in her hand!" Dean stabbed a finger into his chest.

"It was brave. C'mon think about it. Wouldn't you want to go out on your own terms? To decide your own fate?" Sam tried to rationalize to him.

"It was a stupid plan that didn't even work. The Colt did nothing. "

"Jo gave us that shot and we had to take it." Sam reminded him.

"I didn't deserve it. And now what? We have no plan, nowhere to go."

"It's up to us to continue on, man, and try to avenge the people we lost. We lost Ellen too. She loved us like we were her own. Look, I'm trying to wrap my head around what's happened here but I need you to stick with me on this, okay. Together, right? We do this together."

* * *

><p>Somehow, Dean managed to fall asleep and his mind was filled with serenity and comfort. He could feel the sunlight on his face as he was lying in the street. Dean looked up into Jo's brown eyes as she laughed and reached down to pull him onto his feet.<p>

"There's my girl." Dean's strong arms automatically went to squeeze her waist, as close as he could get.

His hands fisted the soft white fabric of Jo's dress as she ran her fingers through his hair and tickled his earlobe. The slightest grace to that spot made Dean moan and take his hungry lips to hers. His kiss was needy and desperate but it joined them completely. He trailed his mouth to her neck and Jo face flushed and she sighed with anticipation.

His hands roamed up and down her back, feeling the need to search for her bare skin. All he wanted in this moment was to savor every goosebump, every freckle with his mouth. Jo dug her fingers into the material of his shirt, her hands spreading over the muscles of his arms as they enveloped her. Just when Dean pulled down a shoulder strap, he heard the sound of maniacal whistling from around the corner. Dean looked over Jo's shoulder and saw Meg balancing Jo's knife on the palm of her hand.

"Looking for something Dean-o." Meg laughed, her mouth twisted in a wicked smile.

"Meg." Dean moved Jo to stand behind him.

"You're not gonna find it. Try and try your little heart out. I warned you but you wouldn't give up. That's okay, we already caught this scrumptious little morsel." Meg easily pulled Jo away from his guard in an instant.

Dean felt helpless as Meg played with a fistful of Jo's blonde hair, pulling it roughly to make her scream out in pain. All he could do was watch as she struggled to free her arms but that only strengthened Meg's deadly hold on her. Jo's brown eyes watered and her lips began to tremble as she felt the cold blade of her own knife as the small cuts pinched down her face. It's sharp tip traced the curve of her jawline.

"He can't help you, blondie. No one can". Meg hissed as she slowly inched the razored edge down closer to Jo's neck and sliced the delicate skin wide open.

With a cry, Dean's body jumped out of the horrifying slumber and Sam was startled awake.

"Another dream?" Sam asked, his voice groggy and hoarse.

"Yeah, only this time Meg was there. Taunting me. She had the knife, Sam."

"All the more reason for us to go back and get it. So we can finish this."

"Yeah I know. This is all just messing with my head. I need some fresh air. " Dean put on his boots and grabbed his jacket, leaving a worried Sam behind.

Dean walked out into the parking lot, his mind spun out of control as he thought of Jo and their missed chances. Having a romantic relationship went against everything Dean believed in. He knew Jo was stubborn and hated being left behind and broken hearted. Dean swore that day he would stay away to protect her. They were never at the right place and the right time.

It took being separated to see the change in her. The experience she gained to the dangers they faced every day. It was like seeing her with new eyes. It knocked the wind out of him and hit him like a ton of bricks. Here was a woman he could have a future with, if he took that risk. It might not be a "normal" family but if anybody can understand his life, it's her. But he was robbed of the chance to tell her this, to make her smile, and love him back. Another missed chance.

_Is that what these nightmares are? Guilt? __I never acted on my feelings and pushed her away… I want this to be real._

* * *

><p>The next morning, Dean drove the Impala back to the hardware store. Sam was right, the daylight definitely made a difference. The morning brought an eerie sense of quiet, the destruction in harsh light was devastating. The broken glass looked sharper, the rubble denser. Dean got out of the car and looked all around the street. Not a soul. No Castiel, no Meg, but his instincts told him that they weren't alone. Sam gave him a quick nod and motioned to where the hardware store once stood.<p>

They split up and each took on a section. Dean mentally recounted the number of paces to the back of the store. _Was it 50? 100?, _Dean muttered to himself as he trudged through the shambles of bricks and charred plastic. Like a magnetic pull, Dean reached the near end, stopped, and fell to his knees. Gathering anything in his way, Dean started throwing planks of wood and burnt drywall over his head. At first his efforts came up with nothing but filth and ash. Suddenly in his sight, were green remnants of fabric splashed with dried blood. _Jo's jacket_.

"Sam, get over here! I found Jo's jacket. The knife has to be here."

His mind was racing, his heart pounded in his chest but Dean couldn't wait for Sam. Adrenaline fueled his veins so he kept on digging, searching until his hands were raw and his fingertips bloody with cuts. Refusing to give up, it didn't take long for his raging to find the object of his mission. Dean laughed as he unearthed William Anthony Harvelle's hunting knife. _I found it, Jo_.

He felt his eyes well up and brushed any tears off with the back of his hand. With his thumb, Dean traced the initials craved into the blade. Jo became a hunter in her father's memory and Dean was going to make them both proud. Now he was ready to find Lucifer and carve his essence right out of the vessel. And he had just the weapon to do it with.

"Now, let's go have some fun." Dean yelled and dusted off the knife so it glistened in the sunlight.

"Glad to hear you say that. I have a case for us. How fast can you get us to Oklahoma?"


End file.
